I've begun to re-read, "The Diary of Anne Frank". I remember getting halfway through in 2013, and then I lost my job, my home, my cats, and some belongings, and I stopped reading. As I sit down, and read the first entry, I'm amazed how she and I are more alike than I thought.
The first present she gets is a diary, and for me, that was always the greatest gift to be had. It didn't matter what the outside looked like, but the type of pages, whether they were creased or smooth, whether they could be torn out, everything on the inside was a matter of importance. Because for me, I can't write on just any old paper. I can't write on any that has a stain, a crease, is nothing but college ruled (I can't do regular lined because there aren't enough spaces for writing, and you run out too quickly, and they HAVE to have lines), and they usually have to be together, because there is nothing worse that writing on paper that are different sizes. It's an OCD and writer thing.
But when you get that sheaf of paper, all you do are imagine the possibilities. You sit down and think, "What do I want to write about?", "Where is this going to take place?", "Should I just start with character biographies?", "Should I tear the pages out and keep them together, or leave them in and turn this into a 'one story only' type book?". The adrenaline that flows through your veins is like getting a shot of speed, and letting the pen, or pencil, in your hand take you away.
When you're in the middle of all of it, you don't see anything but the story, the characters, how they play out, speak to each other, the scenery, and it's all so vivid, you forget exactly where you are. You can smell the air within the scene, hear the sounds, look the people in the eye, and be part of it for as long as the ideas flow.
Even now, I can put myself into this, and just hear the thoughts as they drift in my head, pouring like liquid through my veins, and out through my fingers onto this black space, and create something magical. I have always cherished my imagination, and it feels so good when I'm able to see the end result. I feel like, a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and I can go to bed with a free and clear head and heart.
I think that when I get done with the next episode of Creepy & Haunted Places, I'm going to take some time to write here, and to work on some of the stories I've put on the back burner since 2010. It's time to balance my life. I'm hoping that I can achieve this easily, and that the people in my life will leave me alone to do it.
I want that thrill again, that yearn, that desire. I want that burn in my veins, the rush to get it done, the want to see the end, the lavishness of taking your time, and watching the scene unfold, of putting on my headphones and drowning out the world.
I can already feel it burning, even though I'm exhausted. Today is going to be a good day.
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