She lays on her side, watching the firelight dance inside the hearth. The warmth envelopes her like a sweet bath on a winter's night, lulling her back into the dreamland she'd left only an hour ago.
Her mind plays over the past; the man she'd been with for so long and tried to make it work, the dance of power he'd tried to play on her heart, body, and mind, but had failed to grasp, and the journey back to recovery she'd hoped and prayed for since the beginning.
In her mind, parts of her were the same, still searching for the same person to be with, and finding nothing but road blocks on the way. But she also knew, without even having to search, that she wasn't the same person she'd once been. The times had knocked her about, and she'd emerged stronger than ever before.
She was doing what she loved, made possible by people who shared her sense of adventure of understanding. She was able to live the life she wanted because there were no longer those pushing her to do more than she was able, and not giving a damn if she was breaking down.
In this moment, she was free to be herself, free to act or not as she pleased, free to day dream, write, or even kick back and stare at the rain on the window pane. Life, with all its splendor, twists, turns, mountains, caverns, sunny days, and rainy nights, was finally with her, surrounding her with its love and light. She lavished in these moments of solitude, and was always amazed at what came forward. Stories, poems, travels to great places, meeting great people, and seeing the world through her own eyes, enjoying the peace and serenity that came the deeper she delved.
Tonight, she had seen the fruits of those labors during a livestream, when someone had remarked how calm she was, even knowing that people were watching. That she had a personality that was fitting for livestream, and that she was not afraid to be herself.
The moment had finally come when she could look back and honestly say that THIS was the RIGHT time in her life; she would never wish to go back and do moments over, because it was those moments who taught her to be who she was now, who molded her into the person who could help others with her wisdom, and a person who, for the first time, didn't seek to justify herself through someone else. She was able to enjoy the solitude of being alone, and doing the things she enjoyed.
A smile graced her features, her eyes closing as the 5:00 hour came to chime. These were the moments that were all her own, and she would never take them for granted. Not for anyone, not for anything.
As she dropped into sleep, she wondered what surprises would await her that morning in her dream world. Would the love she sought be there to greet her, or would another wonderful story idea make itself known?
Only time held that answer.
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