I can see the battle ahead of me, and I'm learning tips and tricks on how to proceed with the battle, or at least, survive until my appointment, where I can talk to someone who knows what I'm going through, and won't treat me as a child who knows nothing because they don't have that diploma.
But tonight, I'm not reflecting or trying to figure out events that have led me down this path. Rather, I'm dreaming of someone I have longed for, someone who no one knows exists, not even I, but has existed in my heart since the stories began, and has been with me, even when I've been at my worst. I don't know his name, but his face, his body, his heart, his longings, fear, likes, loves, dreams, and passions, are all in my possession, and his aura becomes clear when it rains, and I can feel myself become the bride he fought for in the underworld. His candle lit soul, his eidolon, his crowsgirl.
I can see the city outside the rain covered window, people walking by under the night sky, wrapped in jackets and carrying umbrellas as they enjoy the beauty of the night, taking in the sights, sounds, food, and shows that are being offered, while I by and await my loved ones return from his own night out, avenging a newly innocent that was stolen by the evil of the world.
The fire cracks in the hearth, the room warm and welcoming, protective and nearing completion. My pure white hair is slicked back in a bun, my eyes tired but calm, taking in the beauty that lays beyond, but I haven't the strength or the want to take part in, my body at ease and resting on the sill, my soul listening for his sounds, his warmth, his vibrant aura.
I want him to be home, I want him to be with me; in my arms or me in his, his kiss on my head, his scent in the room to make it complete. I want to be near him, with him, beside him, feeding me like an addiction, my own brand of pain killer, alcohol, and drug, mixed with the warmth of a hot bath, the light of a candle, and the burning passion of a fire.
Even though we have a duty to right the wrongs, I always yearn for these simple moments, when the world outside fades, and we are once again in our haven, our sanctuary, and nothing matters but our love and our life, our thoughts and our future.
My eyes close for a moment to imagine him as we always are; wrapped in each others embrace, comforting our tired spirits, and taking away the pain that the other feels. We are the others salvation.
A cool breeze draws me back from the brink of dreaming, and as my eyes open, I see him kneeling before me; his eyes gazing up at mine, his hair wet and slick from the rain, his clothes intact save for a cut at the sleeve where the guilty tried to fight back, and yet, he is smiling as he looks up at me, his hands holding mine to his chest, his heart beating steadily but happily at being home with his bride. My own skips a beat, the world melting for a moment where his face is framed by the firelight, before I draw breath and it resumes its task. In a moment I have slid from the window and am in his arms, the bun torn lose so the hair falls and makes my own beauty come alive. I am never happier than when I am when his heart beats next to mine and his aura washes over me like candlelight and I am his lover once again.
This night, as every night, our tasks are finished, and we have ages ahead of us. We take part in the love we feel burning in our souls, and become the crow and his girl; legendary, beautiful, the stuff that dreams are made of, and in the world outside this beautiful dream, I can see the peace come to claim, and a smile frame my features.
He is here, whether I can see him or not, and one day, we will find each other, and the pains of our pasts will be only a memory as we embark on our journey together, on a life that is beautiful, safe, and filled with the love we have searched the earth for, with the person we searched for, and nothing else will matter but this.
This life, this love, this beautiful, beautiful dream.
All my love,
The Novelist.
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