I have been inactive for a while, and for that, I owe you an apology.
I honestly haven't checked to see when my last post was, but things have been chaotic. And when I say chaotic, I mean that I miss the days when I thought things were chaotic. I truly didn't understand what minor trials were, until now.
I lost the doctor that I was going to for inability to pay. I was denied the insurance that could have helped me to go back to him by SoonerCare, and Insure Oklahoma. I ran out of Ambien soon after, and Had to borrow a few times from a friend, but I didn't want that to be a trend. I've been living with minor flareups ever since.
Indian Health was a huge bust, and I didn't realize how much until my first appointment. I was in a lot of pain; my side, my back, and they thought that it might be a kidney stone because my urine had traces of blood. The doctor was very condescending, would interrupt me, talk over me, and then come to find out the clinic won't give me a prescription for Ambien because it's a "scheduled drug". They wouldn't even give me anything needed for pain except Ibuprofen 800mg which tore up my stomach and made me sick. I didn't have a kidney stone, and I never got a call back from the doctor when I was still in pain a week later. I sent a message to the Indian Nation, who promptly told me that what I have is not actual insurance, and there were other reasons to have my card, aside from free doctor visits. The only other reason to have it is free college funding, but that's not what I needed. They don't help their people unless they live on the reservation, or within distance of one of their main facilities. Needless to say, unless I ABSOLUTELY NEED to go, I won't be going back.
I was forced to go back to Family & Children Services to get the help I need, but because of my stomach's Dumping Syndrome, I missed an appointment. I'm going to have to go as a walk in on Monday and let them know what happened. I'm hoping that when I go in for the interview, they can help me get back on track with my Ambien; not only for the condition, but because I'm not able to sleep at night, not having anything to take to induce sleep because it will mess with my dopamine levels. It's been a hard road between IBS flareups, a Dumping Disorder episode, my tooth is infected again, insomnia, and general fatigue. Thankfully, my mom has been more than understanding. My dad has been trying, but doesn't really understand.
I have been taking steps to get back to where I want to be.
I found several role playing sites that have helped me get back into writing, with FANTASTIC results; www.roleplayerguild.com www.valucre.com www.iwakuroleplay.com and a group on Facebook Roleplay Kingdom. I've met four wonderful people, two of which I am still active with. I'm back to role playing two stories I created back in 2004 when the Yahoo! Chat Rooms were still active and I started as a MAJOR noob. With the help of several friends, whom I miss terribly, my skills grew, and I became a veteran. I was a little disheartened when I found so many smut role players, hentai role players, dominating role players, and the like, that I was giving up on finding people on my level. Some people would say my standards are too high, but here is all I ask for:
1) Must be literate. (Meaning must be able to form a proper sentence without too many grammatical and punctuation errors. Also goes with no text speak (i.e. u, u r, lol, wht, etc.))
2) No smut or sex scenes.
3) Para to multi para only (Meaning paragraph to multi paragraph role play, one liners only being accepted if it's in conversation and nothing else is going on)
And lastly,
4) Must have no problem playing the male character (I SUCK at playing the male role, accept for short amounts of time, so I always look for someone who can embody the male character).
I have had several people come along who have tried to mislead me into playing a story line of theirs, have an issue playing the character, and were only interested in doing smut. I also had one person who disappeared in the middle of the story, and one whom I sent the first draft to, and then never responded. But it's gotten me back into the thrill of writing and I'm ECSTATIC to see where it goes.
My PGAD/PSAS has calmed down considerably. I have moments where it flares up, but not as bad when it first began. Though, when I have to take my prescription nausea pills, it flares up the day after. It's been easier to manage and I'm back to being myself.
One good/bad thing that happened came about two weeks when we rescued a dog, but the way it came about and what had ensued has been nothing but chaos.
Her name is Ruby. She's a pitbull/boxer mix, seven months old, spayed, and loves to play. Sounds like a dream right? Just wait.
My friend Jessica, who has been featured in my YouTube videos, adopted her from a person on Craigslist. She quickly became a handful. They started having to put both of their dogs outside during the day because they would tear up the house and poop on the floors, but they'd be gone 8 to 10 hours a day and they'd come by maybe once and walk them. They'd have little food, little water, and would be starved for attention. One day, their older dog got out, and Ruby followed. Her husband caught Ruby, but instead of walking her back in the fence, he lowered her over it. Ruby jumped and landed hard on her leg, hurting it. Rather than take her to the vet, they waited for her to get over it. When it didn't happen, and she continued to be destructive and poop on the floor (even though THEY NEVER took the time to train her, and gave up crate training her after a week), they decided to try to put her up for a $25 re-homing fee in three Facebook groups. Because of her paw, no one wanted her. Her husband got to the point he wanted he gone, THEN AND THERE. They were going to surrender her to the pound for their own faults, but mom and dad stepped in and decided to take her in. They didn't offer to help us with food, let her come over and still play with their older dog whom she'd grown to love, and wouldn't even come over to see her. They didn't even ask about her. She would sit outside and howl and bark towards their house, and they'd act like they didn't see her. They've also stopped trying to help us find someone, even an agency, to take her. Meanwhile, she's been tearing up our walls, our furniture, starting fights with our dogs and cats, picking up our kittens and trying to play with them like chew toys, rips up the trash, poops on the carpet, will even go as far as to try to steal food from us when our backs are turned. The only peace and quiet we get is when she's asleep. Jessica messaged me one night, saying how I never came over anymore. I told her that, because of her dog, I haven't been able to leave the house. She said how she was sorry, but she really isn't. She laughs now when I tell her how things go, like it's funny because now she doesn't have to deal with it. Must be nice to have broken a dog's heart and trust and not lose sleep over it. They could get used cell phones and used trucks and sell them, even clothes and other things, but offer nothing for us who basically bailed them out. We're doing all we can for the dog, but it's getting to the time when she's getting to be an adult, and she will need a better home than here. And with no help coming from the people that started all of this, it's becoming a huge challenge. I haven;t been over there since all of this happened, except to ask about the dog's medical history, and truth be told, I can't stomach going over there. I'm more livid than I've ever been.
I have a GoFundMe going for the dog. I'm trying to raise $500 to get her into a vet, check out paw, and see what can be done. If there's hope of saving it, and having her restored so we CAN find her a home, I'm going to do it. If you are able to donate, or you can just share the link, please do. And if you know of any rescue agencies in Tulsa, Oklahoma, or surrounding areas who can take her, please have them contact me. I have tried Pit Bull Rescue, SPCA, and a couple of other agencies, but none of them can take her. If you even know of someone who helps animals, please let them know. WE ARE DESPERATE.
https://funds.gofundme.com/dashboard/z7-help-for-an-injured-dog
I also have a second YouTube channel where I will be putting up my writing in video form. I have three videos thus far, but because of my insomnia and dog issues, I haven't done much for it. I'm trying to get back into it. Here is the link where you can find the channel.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCyiPqRFYFR_84VneLptQ_yQ
I am also now on Wattpad, where you can read the stories I've already put up.
https://www.wattpad.com/user/CandleLitNovelist
I wanted to have a chance to explain my hiatus. I said I would be back, and I had every intention of doing so. Life keeps popping up, and I am more than ready for a change for the better. With winter fast approaching, I'm hoping that something happens to make my life better, and to help my health. I'm trying to get over always being sorry for being sick. It's not my fault, and I sure as hell don't want it. If I could, I'd have my body go back to when I was younger; before IBS, before my heart condition diagnosis, before my stomach acid was even an issue. But I'm wiser than I ever was, and I wouldn't give that up all the money in the world.
I still love all of you, and I want to thank you for not giving up on me. Stick with me, and I will do my best by you. I promise.
Much love, and light.
-The Novelist <3
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