Have there ever been times in your life that you wish you could just escape into a dream and live there forever? Knowing how their fate might turn out, but still wanting to, even if only for a day?
Lately, I've been getting back into writing, and I decided to start with a fanfiction based around my favorite TV show, The X-Files. No, not the revamp, the original series. The one that revolved around Dana trying to debunk his work, and Fox taking her on these cases, slowly making her into a believer, their trials, tribulations, revelations, everything. And as I'm rewriting it, I take a look at the character I created, and I wish... I hope... I fall asleep at night and yearn to disappear into that world. Not to be close to any particular character, but to BE my character, to have her life, to have her abilities, and to just... be someone that someone can look up to and say, "I'm proud of you"; no pity parties, no pats on the back, just admiration for the things she can do, the thinks she HAS done, and even more because her life revolves around helping others, and she has the ability to do it.
My character may have people that work for her and with her to preserve their overall mission. but she doesn't answer to anyone, she doesn't have anyone to take care of, she has no one holding her back from just... GOING. Her health is pristine, she's fit, has minor muscle tone, has wavy hair, green eyes, and she's strong. She never lets on a weakness and even if she has one, no one can exploit it. I think, more than anything, I envy the character I created. When she does find her family, she knows what she's been missing, and she has people that will be there for her, unconditionally, not talk down to her, and who truly understand what she's gone through because their cases have revolved around it. I'm not saying she's perfect, but in my eyes, she's someone I've always wanted to be.
She's not afraid of being outgoing, she's not afraid of losing people, or being alone. She's not afraid of heights, she's not (outwardly anyway) afraid of death, she'll get into fights to protect what she loves without worrying about the consequences, and she seeks the approval and admiration of no one. She just... exists, either to get the job done, to stop something, or help someone. She isn't afraid to lend a helping hand, but she can gauge motives and knows how to head it off.
Don't get me wrong, she has weaknesses, but she never lets them slow her down. She lives an amazing life, meets amazing people, especially the Lone Gunmen, has a confidant and mentor in AD Skinner, and has been proven she can be trusted to get the job done, do it discreetly, but also also deliver more than was asked. She's carefree, but careful.
That's how I wish I was. It's halfway the life I wish I had. That's why there are days I wish I could be an actress. I could go anywhere, be anybody, take on new projects, and it would be such an amazing opportunity. But then again, I wouldn't be sitting here writing it. And that's what sometimes stops me.
My imagination drives me WILD with what it can come up with. I love to create the stories; the scenarios, the characters, the plots, the drama, the chaos. I.. love.. it.. It's my personal addiction. I can never get enough of sitting in front of this computer, staring at the page, and writing what comes to mind. There are so many worlds within, and I want to bring them all to life.
I will post some of it here when I get it done, at least the first chapter. It's almost there. I just have to keep at it. And I will. I promise you.
My love to you all.
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| The Novelist |
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